Something Keeps Pulling Me Back...
The last few days I’ve been overwhelmed by messages urging me to focus on my relationship with God. Work and life have been a bit busy which has left me pushing my time with God further and further back on my list of priorities. I’ve still been making my way to church for Sunday service, bible study, and my life group, but no true intimacy. My bible was becoming a paperweight as I decided each day that there was something more important to tend to. Imagine that.
I’m always astonished by my tendency to take God for granted. I place Him on my to-do list with the other items I need to check off before I feel satisfied with myself. I was no longer going to God for genuine counsel, I was visiting with Him out of habit. What a shame it is to mistake any time spent for real and meaningful alone time. I knew I needed to put my attention back on God. I knew I needed to start back reading, studying and praying, but I never followed through. I’ll get there. My Bible had been on my desk for how long? I’m sure it would still be there the following day. But, will I? Will you??
Sometimes I move through life so nonchalantly as if it goes on forever, ignorant of my fragility. Because of this, my eyes are set on the wrong things…temporary things. Other times, I’m shook to my core to know that I won’t be on this earth forever. The need to succeed suddenly feels urgent. The pressure to find a husband and have some kids suddenly seems dire. The regret of past decisions and missed opportunity weighs heavily on my shoulders. It’s those moments where I’m reminded of my need to press close. It’s those moments where I’m reminded of the significance of time well spent with someone who cares about me more than I could fathom caring about myself.
There are so many things that I give my time to. Some of these things and people aren’t even contributing to my overall well-being. Still, I pencil them into my calendar. I make it a point to not miss my favorite shows. I scroll aimlessly on social media before bed. I do any and everything, but the one thing that should engraved into my schedule. Spending time with God is so essential. I’m a firm believer my budding relationship with Him is the only reason I’ve been able to discern His voice in these messages I’ve received recently. God has been using every way possible to bring me back in. Like a sheep casually wandering off without a sense of the danger that lies ahead, He extended His hand to me. I’m so thankful to have a God who welcomes me back in after I knowingly stray.
The reality is that while God will always be here, building the relationship with Him takes teamwork. The man who formed me in my mother’s womb in HIS image does not need my time. He deserves it. This time was paid for at the highest cost. God has presented me with a few big wake-up calls throughout my years. These not so subtle messages humbled me. They reminded me that I’m not the one in control and I’m not bigger than Him. Back in the day, that was a bit deflating. It reminded me that I didn’t have the pull I assumed. Now I see this as reassuring. It’s reassuring to know that the messes I place myself in aren’t too messy for Him to clean up. It’s reassuring to know that the giants that stand before me aren’t too big for him to slay. It’s reassuring to know that my entire story, crazy plot twists included, was already written into the records of time by Him.
A being with that type of authority and love deserves time. Don’t confuse time spent for intimacy. Intimacy can be the moment you’re connected and feel safe enough to pour out your heart. Intimacy can be the moment you go to Him with your soul crying feeling beaten and bruised. Intimacy can be the moment where you just listen and try to seek out His voice. Intimacy can resemble a variety of scenarios. I’m writing this for myself, but also for someone else as a needed reminder. God knows that just as I should be eager to spend time with Him, all His other kids should be as well. So if you’ve been off your game for a minute...He’s still there. Go to Him. Seek Him out. He’s waiting.