Don't Shoot the Messenger
I always find it amazing how God appears in the midst of nothingness. I used to believe only a select few were blessed enough to receives messages from Him but that is a lie. As I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve come to realize that God speaks through any and everything. These messages have sometimes been the answer to endless prayers and sometimes the words were uninvited and unwanted. I’ve learned to accept these messages in the moment regardless of how He delivers them.
I’ve eluded to it but I’ve had a lot going on lately. I won’t go into detail but these last few weeks have been a catalyst of a lot of late night conversations with the man upstairs. A lot of conversations fueled by my anger, discontentment, and overall confusion. If I had to provide a synopsis then it would go something like this.
It’s me, Kamil, but you already knew this. I’m not sure what I did to upset you but you can chill now. Actually, I’ve prayed, I’ve been to church, and even gave a few of my dollars over to no avail. When are you going to show up? When are you going to do your part and help clean this mess I’m in?
Like I said, my conversations have been really animated but God knows my heart. I try not to be too hard on myself but sometimes it is hard to believe you’re not standing underneath an aching storm cloud ready to relieve itself. What is even harder is when you are seemingly the only one under the aforementioned cloud while everyone else feels the sun beaming on their skin. Days like this are never fun and these feelings are only multiplied when you feel your prayers are falling on deaf ears.
Anyway, fast-forward to this past Thursday where I was tasked with testing a child for eligibility for a tutoring program. She was seven years old, vibrant, and certainly had the gift of gab as she rambled about her day. What fascinated me the most was her eagerness to try the math problems that we both knew were far too much for her to solve. To be honest, I was a bit annoyed as the time vanished before my eyes but refused to snub out the light that radiated from within. Feeling frustrated, she had solved all she could proclaiming she was done though she wasn’t sure she had got all of the math problems correct. In fact, when asking her how she had done, with a defeated look she simply stated: I could have done a lot better. I casually told her that no one one knows all the answers. She quickly replied, except for the teacher.
Wow. It was in that moment that I knew this conversation had transcended simple subtraction and had ventured into a completely new space. This was the exact message God had wanted me to hear and it came in the form of a child who wasn’t quitting even though the odds seemed against her. We will never know all the answers but there is one person who does and that’s the big man upstairs. I always laugh at myself when life weighs me down because if I know one thing it is that God provides. Up until this point, every shot the devil has tried to leverage against me has been a pure failure on his end.
If I had to be honest, God always send His messages through the most interesting people especially when I haven't been paying attention. Sometimes He tells me to be alone by sending foes clothed as friends or men who never meant me any good. Sometimes He humbles me by forcing me on my behind by seeing someone else profit from hard work. Sometimes He forces me into a season of submission by allowing everything around me to fail miserably. Sometimes He takes what I would deem as low blows to take me higher.
It is so important as your progress through life to always push forward. You have to remain vigilant even when you don’t know the answer or the material seems murky at best. This brief insight shared from this 2nd grader didn’t solve all my programs but it did provide me with a piece of peace. It did remind me that these problems I’m facing that at times seem insurmountable are already solved. Take time to listen to God and all the small messages He places in your ear even if it comes through an unlikely messenger.