Discovering Your However
Life has been coming at me so fast lately. I feel like I’ve been moving at the speed of light and I’m barely able to keep hold of my personal or professional life. One of my favorite types of self-care this year has been reading a few new books each month. My most recent read was Charlamagne Tha God's Black Privilege.
Side note: I’m not a huge fan of his but the book has some gems. I’d recommend you read it if you’re in the mood for some inspiration wrapped in sometimes not so funny attempts at humor. This isn’t a book review by any means but a few pages did stand out amongst the rest.
The late great Notorious B.I.G once delivered the infamous line, “ Heartthrob never, Black and ugly as ever. However, I stay Coogi down to the stocks. Rings and watch filled with rocks…” I like the song but it honestly never resonated with me because I don’t think I’m ugly as ever and I also don’t rock the Coogi. Those small details are actually beside the point. The book made the point that when Biggie proclaimed everything he was not, he had stepped into his truth. No one else controlled this power to declare what he was or wasn’t because he had already done it himself. Instead of focusing on what he was not(a heartthrob), he focused on his however (his coogi, rings and watches). His however was everything that made up for what he didn’t have.
How often have we been faced with all the things that we don’t have? The talent we didn’t receive. The money not magically in our bank account. The degree we weren’t able to receive. The arrow that cupid managed to shoot in the wrong direction. We become fixated on everything that is going wrong in our life or everything we don’t have that we can’t find the joy in our however. I’m just as guilty of this and sometimes I find myself in ruts where I feel like I’ve missed my mark and I just can’t get myself together. Last week was one of those weeks when work was literally sucking my energy from my soul. I was feeling unappreciated, overworked, and other not so positive adjectives. I was focusing on the small things instead of discovering my however.
Have you found your however? Your however is not only unique to you but also unique to the season of your life that you’re in. Many moons ago after my accident when I couldn’t walk, my however was that I would eventually walk again. My however when my boyfriend moved to another state was that I deserved better. My however when I feel underpaid is that I still have the means to pay my bills and have a roof over my head.
My biggest however that always remains the same regardless of where my life is that the love of God always prevails.
The one constant in life is that there will always be good and bad times. It’s not trying to figure out how to avoid the bad times more so than learning to adapt to those situations. It’s learning how to find your however in the midst of devastation, disappointment, and inevitable let downs. Finding your however is realizing that even when it doesn’t feel like it that all the good in your life does outweigh the bad. Your personal however may not be as materialistic as Biggie’s was but it should be something that helps you remain grounded and optimistic.